When it comes to what you wear on your wedding night, there are a lot of myths floating around out there. Most of them are based on tradition, and many of them are outdated. The thing is, modern weddings have become highly personalized, and that goes for the wedding night, too. And while I do consider myself a fairly “traditional” person, it’s always with a modern twist. The same applies to my thoughts and advice on lingerie – including what you choose to wear on your wedding night!
Here I’m sharing some helpful tips while breaking some outdated myths. Want to go shopping? Check out my list of Lingerie (and more!) To Wear On Your Wedding Night in my recent article. Plus, I’m sharing what I wore on my wedding night, along with input from some other married ladies. And, I’m getting brutally honest about the panic that I felt when picking out my bridal lingerie. Yep. It’s all here. And it’s all to help you say hurray on the inside, outside, and underneath. Let’s get started!
Myth: You have to wear your gown undergarments
Back in days of yore, your betrothed would take you from the ceremony and reception directly to the bridal boudoir to consummate the marriage. There was no time or need to change into different undergarments. Also, in certain days of yore you needed help to get in and out of your undergarments (hello, lace up the back corsets and layer of underclothing.) Your new spouse would undo your dress and underclothes and you’d make it “official” with your first sexy time. I won’t actually pretend to know all the history of lingerie and days of yore but I DO know that brides today don’t always do this.
In fact, many brides wear a combination of pretty and practical undergarments underneath their wedding gown (hello, Spanx or other shapewear + longline strapless bra). These under-items help make your dress look its best, but they may not evoke the sensual feeling you’re looking for once the party winds down and you and your honey go back to the bridal suite.
It’s totally OK to wear what you wore underneath, AND it’s ok to change! You can even make it part of the wedding night fun. In fact, it’s a great time to use that “let me go slip into something a little more comfortable” line. Change into something that makes you feel like a goddess and re-enter the room ready to connect to your love.
Myth: You have to wear white
Whether or not you’re a virgin when you get married, whether or not it’s your first or fifth marriage, and whether or not you like to wear white – I say wear whatever color you want. This goes for your dress and your lingerie. If wearing white makes it feel more like your wedding night, or you simply like how white makes you feel, then go for it. I did! But if you feel like you’re faking it, or you don’t feel amazing in something white – then don’t wear it. I have so much more to say about this, but it’s really summed up there.
Myth: You have to wear something new, especially for that night
Do you already have a drawer filled with lingerie or sleepwear that makes you feel amazing? Hurray! If something that you already have will help you feel your very best on your wedding night, go ahead and wear it! Maybe it’s the same item you wore when you got engaged. Maybe it’s your lucky chemise. Maybe it’s something you bought years ago and never had an occasion to finally wear. Maybe it’s your favorite item to wear for your honey. Maybe it’s your coziest outfit. Whatever the case may be, if you don’t want to get something new for your wedding night, don’t force yourself to.
And PLEASE, if someone gave you something that says “bride” on the butt or is white and blue but you hate it or it’s uncomfortable, don’t wear it. I repeat: do not wear it! Even if you think “but when else would I wear this?” or “but it’s so bridal!” If it’s not “you”, or you don’t like how you feel in it, don’t force it. Wear what you love to wear. Not just something that you should wear. Always.
Myth: You have to wear lingerie
A lot of weddings these days are a big, exciting party. And the emotional and physical strain of saying your vows in front of everyone, greeting your loved ones, dancing the night away, and drinking from the open bar can lead to a big crash at the end of the night. Sometimes, there’s just no room in the wedding day for… the wedding night. Even if you and your partner do stay awake long enough to get it on, you still don’t have to wear sexy or bridal-looking lingerie. Cozy up in comfortable pajamas, or the most luxurious pair of sweatpants, or a kaftan and golden slippers. Stay in bed and canoodle, wake up and order room service, or rehash the best memories from the wedding day in something that makes you say hurray – even if it’s not lingerie
Myth: You have to wear something
You know I love lingerie, but if wearing absolutely nothing at all is how you want to celebrate your first night with your beloved, I say go with that. There is no rule that says “wedding night attire” must actually be apparel. Birthday suits are totally acceptable on wedding nights, too.
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Insights from Hurray Kimmay readers
I changed into my wedding night lingerie that I purchased for myself. For some reason I wanted it to be white. I did buy special panties to wear with my dress and the bra was built in. I did not want, nor did I get, lingerie at my shower. But I was happy and excited to get it for my bachelorette. I think my wanting to wear white lingerie on my wedding night stemmed from a traditional idea of white on the wedding day.
-Quinn M.
If I were to do it again, I think I would have gone for a set of super luxurious silk pajamas. Honestly – after the rush and emotion of the day, the evening was more about crashing than sexy romance. Treating myself to something amazingly comfortable to sleep in would be my choice.
-Malia T.
I wore a gorgeous little number from Bloomingdale’s picked out when I had a bra fitting with the one and only Kimmay! I did not wear it until that evening, for which I am grateful as I got very sweaty on the dance floor that afternoon. I’d highly suggest ladies consider splurging for lingerie for that night. I’ve worn it on a couple of other special occasions and just love it. It makes me feel beautiful and sexy every time I wear it. I love the silkiness and the cut; it’s perfect.
-Ferna H.
My mom accidentally took my overnight bag home with her in the rush that was the end of my wedding night, so I had to sleep in the buff! I wore hubby’s suit to breakfast in the hotel the next morning. I brought my silky white number on the honeymoon, but I don’t think I wore it. Too much hassle!
-Katie D.
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What I Wore on My Wedding Night
So, I thought I’d tell you how I purchased what I wore on my wedding night. It’s not what you see in the photos here (notes on that gorgeous number below). I knew I wanted to change into something special for that night. First, because I wore really practical undergarments for the wedding, and second because I LOVE to change into beautiful lingerie for a special occasion. But things didn’t go as planned. Ready? You’re going to need to sit for this. Because, I almost forgot to buy lingerie for my wedding night. I know! I was married in 2012, which is years ago now. But I had still been working in lingerie for seven years already. And I had helped many brides find their bridal undergarments and felt it was important to be intentional about it. I was a panicky mess in the days before my wedding (for another post. Maybe.) and I panicked. I did the unthinkable. I reached into my wallet and found a $50 gift card to . . . Victoria’s Secret.
My younger brother’s girlfriend, who attended one of my bridal showers, and who didn’t know me very well, had given it to me. I remember smiling politely at her and saying thank you, and thinking “ooooooh boy. This lovely young lady has no idea that I have a much more elevated taste than VS.” I thought I’d never use it. And here I was, feeling the stress of being about to host over a hundred of our nearest and dearest to watch my honey and I vow to spend the rest of our lives together and I had already spent way too much money on this day and I HAD NOTHING SPECIAL TO WEAR THAT NIGHT. In that moment of panic, I went to the Victoria’s Secret shop. I thought I was taking the easy way out. I thought, for sure, they’d have something white or ivory, that was cute and sexy, and that made me feel like a bombshell. I thought I’d be flooded with options. I thought wrong.
I ended up having two, what I called “somewhat decent” styles at the time, to choose from. One was NOT my style. The other was a white mesh babydoll style with black lace trim. It was cute, but it wasn’t what I had pictured wearing on my wedding night. I wanted something that made me feel like a queen, and this did not. It also had an attached panty included, but had somehow become attached to a different size, and they had no more in the backstock. Feeling like I didn’t have any other choice, I reluctantly purchased the mismatched set, and a similar panty in the right size to try to make it work. I’ll tell you. I was not feeling very hurray about this. I felt like I settled. I felt like I hadn’t put in the thought and time to choose something gorgeous. I felt defeated.
I share this story with you for a few reasons. It’s not a knock on Victoria’s Secret. They are a really big brand with lots of options and serve a purpose in the industry. It’s not even a knock on myself. It’s to show you that even a “lingerie expert” had a hard go of it when it came to choosing her wedding night lingerie. Here are some of the mistakes that I made:
- I forgot to plan ahead and pick out something special for my wedding night
- I, who owns all sorts of beautiful lingerie, wanted something different for the occasion
- I, when I left it to the last minute, had a hard time finding and deciding what to wear {even at a huge store with lots of products to choose from}
- I, who has a pretty non traditional view on most things, wore something white that night
- I did not include my wedding night lingerie in our wedding budget
- I didn’t ask someone knowledgable or helpful to assist me
- I did not ask for lingerie at my bridal showers or bachelorette party, because I wanted to choose my own
So after all those “mistakes”, do you want to know what’s really important? This: I did end up wearing that nightie (and the non matching but I made it work underwear in the right size). And I did feel good. And not just because the babydoll nightgown was cuter than I remembered it being in store. I felt good because I was married to my favorite person and we had just had the time of our lives dancing with our favorite people in our favorite place in the world and now we were celebrating just him and I. Hurray!
Listen – lingerie is important to me. Wearing it and writing about it is a big way that I say hurray. And helping other people with it is a big way I help them say hurray. And picking out something gorgeous to wear on your wedding night can be a HUGE way to say hurray. It’s a wonderful day, and you want to adorn your body and dress to feel your absolute best. But in the end, it’s just lingerie. It’s not as important as your vows, as the public commitment you made, or as the person to whom you just pledged your love.
Final thoughts: As always, wear what fits well and makes you say hurray. Don’t be afraid to try something special or luxurious, something out of the box, or even something you already have on hand. It’s just as ok to want to wear something traditional as it is to want to wear something else. Think ahead and decide how you want to feel that night. It’s your wedding, your wedding night, and it’s your life. Dress accordingly. Hurray!
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Your Turn: Married?
- What did you wear on your wedding night?
- Given the chance, would you wear the same kind of thing again?
- If you’ve been married more than once, what did you change about what you wore?
- What’s your advice to someone else?
Getting married (soon or whenever or even if just in your dreams)?
- What do you want to wear on your wedding night?
- What questions do you have?
- What did you learn here, and has it updated your view?
Style notes: I’m wearing a gorgeous chemise on loan from Addiction Nouvelle Lingerie and a matching panty. Very traditional bride with a modern twist 😉 I never airbrush my body or face (though I did add a dreamy glaze over these images for fun). The photos were taken by Becky Yee during my Hurray Vacay to Paris in an apartment provided by Cobblestone Paris Apartments.
